I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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