Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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