I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hippo gnu deer
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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