i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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