I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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