I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
