My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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