Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
