i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize