Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
