Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
