btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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