if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
