End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
