well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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