You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
