Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
