He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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