So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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