How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
