is wine microwaveable?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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