Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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