I'm going to jail i love you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Randomize
