Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
