Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dick has a subreddit
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
