the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
