Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
