He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
