i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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