Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
