I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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