Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
