He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
