hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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