Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
