I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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