She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
