I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
