When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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