There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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