I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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