doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
