The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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