At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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