you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she looked like the before picture.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
