OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
