you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
