Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
