The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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