wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
