I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
