i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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