Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
