There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
