i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
