i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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