It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
