No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
