He had one of those small greek statue penises
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
