I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't deserve a penis
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
