mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
